| (no subject) |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|11:17 am] |
well here's what i think.. take it or leave it.
we're all in it for ourselves. we have to be. no one will be there to pick you up when your life "falls apart." if you assume someone or something will, you'll be dissappointed time and time again. if that thought makes anyone feel helpless or saddened, then its time for a reality check. i need one of those. AND an enema too. everyone is a hypocrite. EVERYONE. i tell myself what i want or need, and set standards for myself, but i sometimes dont follow through. i might go for the instant gratification- to feel good right now. its life. so be it. if you dont expect anything from anyone, then you wont be disappointed when its time for them to do what THEY need to do.
only EXPECT that you can live YOUR life by whatever means you see fit. AND you will be happy, sad, frustrated, mad, dissappointed, confused, lost, anxious, etc etc.. its a spectrum of emotions and experiences. DONT take life too seriously or it will swallow you whole..
both life and love are BEAUTIFUL things. both of them seem to begin perfectly, get REALLY crappy, CONFUSE the shit out of you, scare you, complete you, fall apart, then smooth out.. and the cycle repeats itself again and again, every day. so just ride and smile.
final thought. live for today, love yourself, and let the rest fall in wherever it wants to.
"happiness isnt found at the end of the journey, its found all along the way." |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|11:57 am] |
i can't believe the way time changes everything.. sometimes i want to go back and other times i want to fly forward a year. i'll never be at peace with knowing that the people who mean the most to me today may not even be speaking to me tomorrow. i want simplicity. i want happiness. i can't hold a grudge for longer than 5 minutes. i want to understand what is confusing to me, and i want others to be understanding of my imperfections as i am of theirs.
I DON'T WANT TO WRITE MY THESIS!
i'm dying for a hug from my mom....
i dont want to move to seattle, but i'm not sure if this is the place for me. maybe i'm just lost. maybe there's nowhere i'm supposed to be.. just where i end up i guess..
i spent so much of my life allowing myself to wallow at the absolute bottom and feel my pain so i could understand myself better. i took so many blows and looked to the brightside cuz i had faith in myself. i thought i knew myself so well. so then after 28 years i feel like a 5 year old again. my head is in the clouds, my heart is in the pit of my stomach, and concious thought gives me a headache. i dont know which way is up or down. i miss those moments of clarity 6 months ago when we all used to sit on the back porch, drink beer, and talk philosophy. everything is different now. everyone and everything.
my life needs an enema.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|01:04 pm] |
i am who i am. its all i can or want to be. i'm not looking for any approval or criticism. i have insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, faults, and idiosyncrasies just like anyone else. when you're up, you're up. when you're down, you're down. the only person i'm looking to please is me. that is a feat in itself. if that makes me selfish, so be it.
no one wants to hurt or be hurt-- but its part of life. there is no perfection, only perception. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|03:24 pm] |
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it seems as though for the past year, the only thing i've been doing is MAKING DECISIONS. i'm sick of it. i'm consulting a psychic.. |
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| YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!?! |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|02:10 pm] |
i think that if you want to know the true integrity and character of a person, you should think back to your first few interactions with them. think back to the way they treated you and made you feel. GUT feelings are important.
dont ever stay in a situation for anyone else. if you feel like shit, GET OUT. dont wait around for things to change. listen to your conscience. be happy by yourself because no one can do it for you.
*most important lesson though, if EVERYONE says the same thing, chances are, there IS some truth in it....
HONESTY IS the best policy.
LIES are NEVER forgotten.
BETRAYAL comes in many forms.
LOVE everyone, TRUST no one. |
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| turn |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|10:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
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isnt it funny how we can give the best advice but never can seem to apply it toward our own lives and situations. things seem so simple when you look from the outside-in. i dont think people always hold on because they're afraid to let go, but maybe because we are creatures of comfort and routine. change frightens even the most transient and nomadic. if you want to know whats truly in your heart, you must seek it on your own. dont be afraid to take risks. feel as much discomfort and pain as you can, because that is how you orient yourself to where you want to be. the more you think, your thoughts get crowded. the more you guess, the further you are from the truth. we are always SEEKING something in everything. i tried to analyze and mitigate every uncertainty and every affliction. i hereby give myself to the universe. let it be what it is. i will live for today.
life is good, and i FEEL good... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2006|11:31 am] |
the best thing about MY life is that its MINE to choose to do what I want to do. i answer to no one and when i want out i get out. i hate being monitored, i hate being checked up on. i spent 28 years of my life doing what would make ME happy and i'm not changing NOW or EVER.
we are born alone, we die alone. everything in between is life. i own my life and i'm NOT afraid to jump, run, scream, bleed, lie, sweat, try, fail, or cry. THAT is what makes me who i am. i wont compromise ME for one more minute. |
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cdivito's journal